Clipboard Hell

Clipboard Hell

I have discovered a previously unknown level of hell. It does not appear in any religious text or scroll but that does not make it any less real. It just so happens to occupy a small area of Amsterdam. If you have ever walked along the Leidsestraat you might know it well. It only takes up a small 50 x 200 meter patch of land but it is filled with such torturous evil that no innocent person should know.

I am talking about the area outside my office that seems to contain every survey taker, subscription seller and (dare I say it) charity collector that hell rejected.

Everyday I have to walk through this swarm of aggressive clipboard holders as I try to escape to the nearest tram stop or collect lunch supplies from the local supermarket. Everyday they try to stop me and ask the same question.

“Can I ask you a question?”

It’s enough to drive anyone insane. I’ve long learned that simply telling them I don’t speak Dutch does not do any good either. However, I have finally come up with a solution, a new strategy. When they next ask me again I am going to come up with a completely random reply to what that question could have been. I will then be able to make my get away while they try to work out what just happened.

I have already come up with several answers for the next time they ask, “Can I ask you a question?”

– “The answer you seek is; 42.”

– “Yes, it’s true. I really did shoot a man in Rio just to watch him die.”

– “Sure. Picard was a much better captain but Kirk was a much better singer.”

– “No, Sorry. It would never work between us baby.” (This is double confusing for the clipboard holder if they are also a guy)

– “No. I will not write you into my will.”

– “Ok. You can have an autograph but I was hoping no one would recognize me.”

– “No. I’m not going to help you cheat on your test. Answer the questions yourself.”

– “No. My lawyer has advised me not to answer any questions.”

Stuart

Stuart is an accident prone Englishman who has been living in the Netherlands since 2001. Even his move to the country was an unintentional accident, the result of replying to a cryptic job advertisement he found one day in a local British magazine. Since then he has learned to love the Dutch (so much so that he married one of them) and now calls the country home. He started the blog Invading Holland in 2006 as a place to share his strange stories of language misunderstandings, cultural confusions and his own accident prone nature.

16 Responses

  1. Floroskop says:

    Hello!
    I think this try.

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