Accidentally Dutch

Warning Signs That You Are Becoming English

by · November 2, 2012

Warning Signs That you are Becoming English - Part 1

Previously I shared a few of the warning signs for expats to look out for if they think they are starting to become Dutch. But what about the Dutch themselves? Could they also be influenced by all of us English expats moving into their country? Do you think you might be becoming English? It’s very possible. Here are a few early warning signs that might indicate you are starting to become English.

You Might Be Becoming English If…

1) When a disaster strikes, no matter how devastating or terrifying it might be, your first instinct is to ‘put the kettle on’ as a means of putting things in to perspective. Even the apocalypse will seem easier to deal with once you have had a nice cup of tea (including milk and sugar).

2) Saying the word ‘sorry’ becomes an uncontrollable, automatic and involuntary reaction to everything, including things that have not actually happened yet, things that might not even happen and things that you are in no way responsible for at all. In extreme cases you will even apologise for apologising too much.

3) Your manner of speaking becomes similar to that of a Victorian villain in an American movie.

4) You suddenly realize you know the rules to cricket.

5) You become compelled to drive on the left hand side of the road (a real problem if you are on a Dutch highway at the time).

6) You start requesting ketchup instead of mayonnaise with your friet. In extreme cases you will be very specific that it must be HP ketchup.

7) In addition you start to refer to friet as chips and will be disappointed if they are not soggy.

8) You become confused by the Euro.

9) You measure how well you are doing in life by comparing your happiness to that of the average Eastenders character.

10) You consider Baked Beans on toast a ‘treat’ and know what Egg and Soldiers are.

11) You’ve written a letter of complaint at some point in your life.

12) You consider queuing a hobby.

13) You become frustrated by the American spelling of the word ‘colour’ and ‘favourite’.

Think you might be becoming Dutch? Check out the list of Warning Signs That You Are Becoming Dutch.

Stuart

Stuart is an accident prone Englishman who has been living in the Netherlands since 2001. Even his move to the country was an unintentional accident, the result of replying to a cryptic job advertisement he found one day in a local British magazine. Since then he has learned to love the Dutch (so much so that he married one of them) and now calls the country home. He started the blog Invading Holland in 2006 as a place to share his strange stories of language misunderstandings, cultural confusions and his own accident prone nature.

20 Responses

  1. Andrew says:
    November 8, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    I will on my year here convert my international flat mates to English ways. They seem to find beans on toast a strange concept.

    They also laugh at me calling chips chips.

  2. Invader Stu says:
    November 9, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Firewood – To you check the warning signs of become Dutch list to be sure? :p

    Andrew – Yes. Turn them to our ways. They will join us and make our numbers strong.

  3. Barb the French Bean says:
    November 11, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    1 1/2 out of 14; I do like French mayonnaise with my fries and I do have a preference for soggy ones. Obviously, I still refer to “chips” as fries.

    As for the American spelling of certain words, now that I am teaching English to French students, I make an effort to use the British spellings as the exams here have a tendency to use British English.

    So, while I still call “chips” as “fries,” don’t be surprised if I replace the S with a Z (pronounced as “zed”) in certain verbs and add the extra U to “color” and “favorite.” :P

  4. Invader Stu says:
    November 15, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    Barb the French Bean – Hmmmm. That is a low score. You might not be turning English or Dutch but what would the warning signs of turning French list be? :p

  5. Kayla says:
    November 30, 2013 at 8:53 pm

    HP Sauce?
    Have you been out of Britain too long or bumped your head recently?!
    Heinz!