Dutch Integration Checklist (Inburgering Exam)
Thank you for agreeing to take the Dutch Integration test/Inburgering Exam. The aim of this test is to determine how well you have integrated into Dutch culture during the time you have spent in the Netherlands. Please answer the questions below truthfully and honestly to the best of your knowledge for the best test results:
Dutch Integration Checklist/Inburgering Exam
What is your name?
Stuart B (aka: InvaderStu)
Are you able to communicate in Dutch?
If by ‘communicate’ you mean order beer and bitterballen; yes.
Do you know why it is important to pronounce “Scheveningen” correctly and are you able to do so?
Yes. During World War 2 the Dutch used to shoot people who were unable to pronounce Scheveningen correctly because they were most likely German spies. Since I neither wish to be shot or mistaken for a German I have tried very hard to learn how to pronounce it right. Sometimes I get nervous when a Dutch person approaches me in the street and I just randomly shout Scheveningen at them.
Do you own a Dutch flag?
No but I do own a pair of socks with the Dutch flag on them. They were a Sinterklaas gift.
Have you ever skated on ice?
Not intentionally.Do you own a bicycle?
I do but it is a German bike. The last time I had to get it repaired the Dutch bicycle repairman I took it to was not very happy about this fact. I shouted Scheveningen several times to reassure him.
Have you ever had a bike stolen?
I thought I did once but it turned out I’d simply not noticed the large construction sign stating; “Do not park your bike here or we will take it away with the rest of the bike rack we are replacing!” In my defense the sign was in Dutch and I got my bike back after a week.
Have you ever decorated a bike in an outrageous fashion?
Not yet but I’m thinking about taking my bike on Pimp My Ride.
Have you ever eaten stamppot?
I have tried most kinds of stamppot and have even invented some of my own. However, I am still trying to find someone who is willing to help me market M&M stamppot and speculoos stamppot.
Have you ever made a joke at the expense of a Belgium?
Don’t be daft. Not even a Belgium is going to pay to hear a joke… Only the Irish would do that.
Have you ever visited the red light district?
Only to do some window shopping.
Have you ever celebrated Queen’s Day?
Yes. I love Bohemian Rhapsody and know all the lyrics.
Do you know what a Zwarte Pieten is?
Yes. However, I had no clue what they were the first time I saw a parade of them marching, jumping and skipping towards me on a crowded street in Haarlem. It was one of the most puzzling experiences of my life (only just beaten by the time a woman wearing a fake rubber penis approached me in the same street a few weeks later followed by a camera crew).
Thank you for completing the Dutch Integration Checklist/Inburgering Exam. If you feel that any important integration questions have been left off the list please let us know.
We have a test in Britain for those who want to become British citizens.You know what, all the British would fail.
@Stu. Nope. We let them do the test on our way home from Belgium and had them actually get out of the bus at the border.
Dragonlady – I’m not surprised
gvg – Efficient
This is hilarious!
Magda
OK, lets see how I do then…
Name:
Gerard “Gez” Danks. See? My first name is a common Dutch name. Even if i was born in the UK. But at least moving over here I can get memorabilia with my name on it, like mugs, towels, keyrings and loo paper!
Are you able to communicate in Dutch?
Yes. Can order bier, bittergarnituur, and know how much I should be paying too.
[…] Scheveningen […]?
Yes, and just about. Hopefully good enough to not be shot.
Dutch flag?
Nope. Nor do we have a place to fly it from if we did either.
Skated on ice?
Yes. Once in the UK on a rink, twice here – Once on a rink, and recently on “semi-natural” ice.
Bicycle?
Yes. A Sparta.
Bike Stolen?
Only my old BSA racing bike, in the UK.
Decorated bike?
No. but it does have two HUGE panniers on. Large enough to carry my Warhammer 40k model cases in.
Eaten stamppot?
Yes. My g/f introduced me to it on my first visit. I even made it back in the UK.
Belgian jokes?
Who needs to make jokes about Belgians? Their roads are a joke, and that’s enough!
Visited RLD?
Twice. Once with g/f showing me around (1st visit), and once with us showing parents around (their 1st visit).
Celebrated Queen’s Day?
Yes. And parents should be visiting for this year’s.
Zwarte Pieten?
Yes. I know what they are. And not being (or planning to be) a parent, the more screaming brats they bag + tag and drag back to Spain, the better :)
Did I pass?
I think you should add “Do you know who Charlie is?” as it seems whenever i am in Amsterdam random people seem to what to ask me his whereabouts, why they would think i would know I don’t know as I obviously don’t look like a local. And yes i know what they are asking :) but still…
my little expat kitchen – Thank you
Gez – Hhhmmm. I think you really have to have your bike stolen in the Netherlands for it to count but I guess you pass. You did better than me either way.
Zen – You’re so right. I get asked all the time too. I tried to find out who he was a while back: https://accidentallydutch.com/?p=321
Great post! You had me laughing all the way through :-)
M&M stamppot… *LOL* That is like ‘Snickers in the hole’:p
A Touch of Dutch – Thanks :)
Tess – Is ‘Snickers in the hole’ real?
*LOL* I can cook you some if you like? ;o)
Should I be scared… because I feel scared
Belgium is not to be mocked. Or we will, and I repeat, we will send all of you without beer and chocolate and waffles to bed. :P
Manictastic – But, but, I didn’t. I was making fun of the Irish. Oh wiat… they could take away the Guinness. Dam!!!!!
Sign me up for the M&M stampot! I make a similar stampot with ice cream, hagelslag and Baileys… Pretty sure the misuse of hagelslag means I am not yet sufficiently integrated.