Internet Addict
Some where in an imaginary meeting room the following scene is taking place:
“Hello… My name is Stuart and I am an addict.”
A small round of applause follows from the other people sitting in the circle.
“I’ve been clean for almost a week now since my provider cut me off due to an administrative error. It’s not been easy. Even after losing my supply I had to hit rock bottom before I was willing to admit I had a problem.”
“At first I started walking the streets at night with my laptop, looking for a new supply. All I needed was a little bandwidth to keep me going. I didn’t even care where it came from. Any unsecured wireless network would have been enough to ease the pain of my addiction. I am not proud of it. I even started looking through bins for old 58k modems.”
For a moment I feel like the memories are too painful for me to talk about but a member of the circle puts their hand on my shoulder and gives me a supportive look.
“When I was unable to find an unprotected connection I started abusing my friends trust. I would visit them just to check my email and steal a little bandwidth from them. Sometimes when the withdrawal was really bad I would beg them day and night to download files for me.
“I finally knew I had hit rock bottom when I started actually seeking out penis enlargement and Viagra adverts as a substitute for spam emails.”
A few members of the circle nod in a way that lets me know I am not the only one who has been down this path.
“Since then I have been adjusting to life with out the internet one day at a time. Sometimes I still feel like I would do anything just to be able to log into World of Warcraft for a few seconds or check the internet movie database to settle an argument about how many movies Alec Baldwin has been in but I am slowly learning to cope. I hope that one day I will be completely over my internet addiction… Thank you for listening.”
Another round of applause follows as I sit down. When the next person stands and starts to speak my mind drifts off and I wonder if there is an internet café anywhere nearby.
In a few days time my internet connection should be reactivated and normal blog service will be restored. Until that time would someone mind downloading a file for me? I just need a little bandwidth.
Stop licking my network cable dude! It’s freaking me out!!
Eric – Just give me a little bandwidth dude. I’m good for it. I just need some .MB to keep me going to the end of the week.
so that’s why you are so keen to visit ? oh, alright – i have 3 computers networked – you may want to use Q’s though as it has an English keyboard.
Now I’m not normally one to give in to someone’s addiction, but boy, this is a special case. I mean, the side effects hit us all, don’t they….we all have to learn to cope without our normal dose of Stu…hmmm, that’s bad, that is. Addicted to your addiction. Solution! You’d better come and stay in my flat (I don’t live in it myself, see)…the neighbour has unprotected wireless internet just there for those of us with an incurable habit ;-)
By the way, this was a great post! I’m sure we can all relate almost painfully…it made me laugh too, though ;-)
Stu, take your laptop to the Tig and sit at the table near the window, it used to be my fav spot: three to four open networks. I would claw anyone who had the guts to come too close *evil grin*
ps, I did ask you nicely… didn’t I? In a very humble Sméagol manner…
Oh man, I feel your pain…
The Horde mourns your loss ;)
Oh man, that’s worst case scenario. No internet without time to prepare (stash a rediculous amount of games). Good luck to you man.
I’ve got 10 mbit down and up, so if it’s worth the trip to Rotterdam to you, I’ll be happy to share. ;-)
Stu, get a few file transfer compressing programs, add them up, and get a better deal just by not improving your connection but reducing your transfer load. That’s all I can say from here.
Oh and my head hurts.
:(
“administrative error” what does that mean? ISP probation or ISP networking, hardware, software problem?
Invader Stu,
Finally seen the guy behind bloggerforum here. Nice page and I like your cartoony setup! :) Keep it up and see ya in the forums.
-Swapw
Hee!
When you get your connection back, I’m sure you’ll be blogging and googling til you’re bleary eyed. :P
Tellll mmmee whennn youuuu findd a cuuuure….
Zed and Wezz6400 – You know it will be like inviting a crack addict into your house at the moment right. I’ll be selling all your CDs to get extra bandwidth.
VallyP – That made me realize that I am actually a pusher. “Here, try some RSS. The first one is free.”
Tess – If I don’t get my internet back soon I might have to try that.
Jodie – They will be lost with out me.
Indy – Thanks for the advice.
Stavanger – It means my internet provider is stupid. We asked to down grade our connection. Some how they thought we asked them to cancel our connection.
Swapw – Thanks. I will :)
Roxanne – You have no idea. I might even call in sick to work :p
ChickyBabe – I’m starting to think there isn’t one :(
Does your provider start with a C and end with an ema? If so it is a common problem adn administrative error is their jargon for the daily F*** ups (i used to work on their helpdesk until I found a job I was actually able to admit I was doing :P )