Karaoke Star Singing in Amsterdam

Karaoke Star

I would like to take this chance to officially announce my participation in the next series of Dutch Pop Idols. The judges have not heard me sing yet but I am sure once they do they will not be able to deny that I have a very unique and distinctive singing talent that the public will have to hear in order to believe that such a voice exists.

I came to this decision a few days ago after I got a chance to sing a few songs at a karaoke bar with a couple of friends. I’ve never been much of a public singer but it’s amazing the motivation a few alcoholic beverages and a large collection of 80s music can provide. At the same time it is also scary to realize how many of the lyrics to Right Said Fred’s ‘I’m too sexy’ I know.

The karaoke bar was situated in Amsterdam (near Leidscheplein) and had a slightly strange Chinese atmosphere which created the feeling that The Crazy 88 might suddenly attack at any moment during someone’s rendition of ‘Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting’.

In order to hide the shame and embarrassment that would be our singing we decided to hire a private karaoke booth. Hiring any kind of ‘private booth’ anywhere in Amsterdam can instantly give the wrong impression, especially when the owner hands you a laminated catalog of (karaoke) videos and a remote control covered in protective plastic as she did with us. However, the booth lacked any dance poles so our only option for entertainment was singing.

Elvis, Frank Sinatra, Queen, The Bee-Gees, The Village People and so many other well know creators of music were not safe from our murderous rampage of song mutilation and carnage. Innocent lyrics were left orphaned as the songs they belonged to were valiantly bludgeoned to death with a microphone and some very bad singing. Words were sung out of time, lyrics were mixed up and one of the microphones ended up breaking under the strain (or maybe it decided to take its own life to stop the torture).

Luckily the sound proof glass of our booth survived our attempts to see who could hit the highest note which was really more of a contest to discover who could do the best impression of a cat suffering unbearable pain while inhaling helium. At least innocent bystanders were saved from irreparable eardrum damage. It was decided that the winner of the contest should never be allowed near a microphone again in their life time but that was probably true of all of us. However, we really had a lot of fun.

In case my application to be on Dutch Pop Idols does not make it past the first stage here is a sample of our singing talent (30 seconds of torture) from Bohemian Rhapsody. You can hear me very clearly during a few lines but you will have to guess which one I am (If you can’t see the embeded sound file click here):

Disclaimer: This site is not responsible for any lose of hearing, sanity or the will to live.

Stuart

Stuart is an accident prone Englishman who has been living in the Netherlands since 2001. Even his move to the country was an unintentional accident, the result of replying to a cryptic job advertisement he found one day in a local British magazine. Since then he has learned to love the Dutch (so much so that he married one of them) and now calls the country home. He started the blog Invading Holland in 2006 as a place to share his strange stories of language misunderstandings, cultural confusions and his own accident prone nature.

33 Responses

  1. ChickyBabe says:

    Argh… I have to reconnect my PC speakers to hear Idol Stu. Back another day.

  2. Joe says:

    I think the last time i heard something this….unique, was when they released that secret footage of Hitler trying out for the Aryan Idol Competition in 1941. The death of 6 million Jews suddenly made more sense after that.

    On the bright side, since the Dutch are all weed-smoking Vikings anyway, i think your vocals would probably smash the competition.

    :) ace post Stu, keep up the good work!

  3. Invader Stu says:

    ChickyBabe – If I don’t hear back from you I will assume you died from a eardrum burst.

    Tess – I could do that. It could be my tour.

    Tenakalaz – I still can’t see it. I’ll see if I can give you a hand with it later.

  4. Invader Stu says:

    Anyone want to take a guess as to which line was sung by me?

  5. Dragon lady says:

    I was just going to ask you that. Were you the high one that did the di di di di bit near the end? Yes I finally got it to work (though it won’t work today) So don’t bother to send it to me. No really there is no need…. I beg of you please don’t, no really pleeeese don’t.

  6. Invader Stu says:

    Dragon lady – So not even ‘a voice only a mother could love’ applies here? Ouch. Even worse you got it wrong. That part was not me :p

  7. Andy says:

    Haha, silly me was looking forward to the new site design, it looks to me as it has changed, but i can’t remember what it looked like before so I’m really not sure! Either way it looks great and i love the comics ;)

    Andy

  8. Dragon lady says:

    Right I’m feeling left out now and a bit old. What is a gravatar and why havn’t I got one?

  9. VallyP says:

    Meep Stu. I tried to sign up to Gravatar, but now I have, I don’t know how to get a pic on there. It’s all a bit too technical for me….sniff….as my dog would say…s’not fair ;-(

  10. ellen says:

    That was a very funny post. I loved the singing, would love to have been a part of it.

  11. Invader Stu says:

    Tess – My singing claims another victim

    VallyP – You just need to up load a image and assign it to an email address

    TheJackal – Thanks. I just got it.

    Ellen – If you love sining you would not have liked to have heard the amount of songs we murdered.

  12. Dragon lady says:

    Tess, thanks but I have insider help. Stuart is going to help his poor old Mum and do it for me. Like VallyP its all to technical for me.

  13. Invader Stu says:

    It’s called The Wave Karaoke Bar and is on Kerkstraat.

  14. Jodie says:

    @ VallyP: Shall I add it to the IT list of stuff to do with you ;)

  15. georgie says:

    hi, could someone tell me the address/name of the karaoke bar mentioned? i love karaoke, but whenever i’m in amsterdam i never know where to go to…:-(

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