Things I Learned in the Netherlands

When I arrived in the Netherlands I was barely in my 20s and found a lot of things about the country confusing. I’m happy to say that over time things have changed. I am older and wiser. Now that I am in my 40s I only find somethings about the Netherlands confusing. On my journey from a confused young man to a less confused middle-aged man, there were a lot of lessons I learned on the way (thanks to living among the Dutch people). Here are just a few of the things I learned in the Netherlands.

1) How to be open to things that are different:

When I arrived I was still in the frame of mind that everything I knew was normal and anything that was different was weird. I think it’s one of those beliefs that most people who have never left their own country have (even if they don’t realize it).

I’d grown up largely only having experienced one culture, my own. It had become my norm by which everything else was measured. I’m a little embarrassed to say that, without even realizing it, I had a bit of a superiority complex about being British. 

The idea that your culture (and way of doing things) is normal is a belief that rarely gets challenged if you stay living in your own country. It’s only when you spend time in other places, experiencing other cultures and other ways of doing things that that attitude really gets tested. It’s part of why I was so confused by parts of Dutch culture at first (that and a severe lack of preparation).

Dutch culture is not so far removed from British culture as other parts of the world but it was enough to challenge my way of thinking. 

Over time things seemed to get less and less strange. I started to realize that any culture seems strange if you are unfamiliar with it, including my own. This realization hit its peak when I once tried to explain the British tradition of Christmas crackers to my Dutch parents in law and saw the look of utter confusion on their faces. To them, British culture was weird, bizarre and didn’t make a lot of sense.

Thank goodness I lost my ‘Britain right, everything else weird’ attitude pretty quick because that’s the kind of thinking that leads to things like Brexit, colonization and British actors always being cast as the pompous bad guys in movies.

2) How to relax and enjoy life (in the Netherlands):

It’s no secret that the Dutch have a very laid back approach to life. If you spend any amount of time in the country it can become infectious. Relaxation by osmosis. However, for me, it took something a little bit more extreme to make me relax and start enjoying life in the Netherlands. It took me breaking my ankle.

After the initial honeymoon period was over, where I had found life in the Netherlands exciting, I started to find things hard. I was struggling with the language. I didn’t always understand what was going on around me. In general, I was finding it hard to fit in and I was really thinking of leaving the country and going back to England. Luckily I broke my ankle.

Because of the aforementioned negative feelings, I drank a little too heavily at the office Christmas party. What followed was a failed attempt to get a cab home, a slip-on some ice and a night lost in Amsterdam hobbling around on a broken ankle (which I didn’t realize I had until I started to sober up in the early morning). What followed was two months in a foot to knee cast.

During my recovery time, I had a realization. If I could survive living in the Netherlands with a broken ankle then I could darn well survive living in the Netherlands without one. Suddenly my attitude started to change. I still struggled but I found it easier to accept that struggle. I became not just more laid back about life in the Netherlands but I became more laid back about life in general. I learned to deal with one problem at a time instead of trying and failing to deal with them all at once. The only problem I could not solve at the time was how itchy my lower leg would get.

3) How to enjoy Queen’s/King’s Day:

Believe it or not I did not experience Queen’s Day (as it was known back then) for quite a few years after I arrived. I was always out of the country. I would use the free day off as an excuse to take a long weekend and fly over to England for a visit. It was only during my fourth year in the country that I actually decided to stay and experience the celebrations. I quickly discovered what I had been missing.

My first Queen’s Day was spent in Amsterdam. I’d never seen anything like it. It was semi-controlled chaos. The kind of chaos that has the vague illusion of being organized, possibly, in some way. I loved it. Although I find Amsterdam too chaotic now I still enjoy King’s Day in smaller towns and cities. It’s always a great opportunity to pick up some cheap second-hand computer games too.

4) The Dutch have amazing snacks:

One of the best things I have learned in the Netherlands is that the Dutch have amazing snacks. You have not lived until you have experienced a stroopwafel. Mention the Stroopwafel to any expat and you will see a look of pure joy spread across their face. It’s not just the sweet snacks either. The Dutch have an amazing array of fried snacks of which the king is the mighty Bitterballen. However…

5) The Dutch have terrible snacks:

As with everything, there must be a balance. Where there is light there is dark. Where there is good there is evil. Where there are stroopwafels there is salty Dutch liquorice drop. This is why you must never trust a Dutchman bearing treats. It might be a trap. 

Some Dutch snacks (and admittedly I am mainly talking about liquorice drop) have the kind of extreme sour and/or salty taste that could drive you insane. Trust me. I know what I’m talking about. I once tried over 40 types of Dutch drop as part of a self-inflicted science experiment. 

Also beware of karnemelk and pindasaus.

7) The Dutch Language:

You would think that ‘the Dutch language’ would be quite high on the list of things someone learned while living in the Netherlands. Normally you would be right but in this case, you’d be wrong. I have a confession to make. My Dutch is nowhere near as good as it should be after nineteen years of living in the country. My first experiences with Dutch lessons were weird, to say the least. After that, I might have gotten a little lazy (which was easy since I was spending most of my time in Amsterdam). Being dyslexic probably didn’t help but if I’m honest with myself I think it was mostly laziness.

It wasn’t until I met my Dutch girlfriend (now wife) eight after my arrival that I suddenly found myself using Dutch more regularly and slowly getting better at it. I’m still not as good as I should be after nineteen years of living in the country but I get by. My children still regularly correct my Dutch though.

8) How to cycle like a Dutchman:

I had not ridden a bicycle since I was twelve. In Britain cycling is seen as a childhood activity. However, in the Netherlands, it is a way of life. I learned to embrace the Dutch love of cycling very quickly. It’s great being able to get everywhere in a city by bike (if you tried that in London it would take you several very unpleasant and dangerous hours).

There are a set of cycling skills that are unique to the Dutch which I am still getting the hang of but I’m getting there. These skills include: cycling with two bikes at once, giving someone a lift on the back rack and transporting most of the contents of your house by bike.

9) Other things I learned in the Netherlands:

• How to fill any silence with the word dus
• How to make an uitsmijter
• Unlearning the British obsession with queuing
• Having some orange clothes is very important
• Asking for a hair cut in Dutch can be risky if you have not mastered the language yet
• That the Dutch love mayonnaise… a lot
• That Santa is based on Sinterklaas (and not the other way around)
• How to be a happy expat

Best of all, and only appearing at the end of the list to end on a sentimental note, I learned how to be a husband and a father. Those are the things that really made the crazy adventure of moving to the Netherlands worth it. I might have been born in Britain but I grew up in the Netherlands.

What lessons have you learned in the Netherlands?