How Mario Galaxy Made Me Want To Kill

“I HATE YOU!”

Amongst my friends I have a reputation of being a very calm and polite person.

“YOU ARE HOPELESS!”

Most of them do not even believe I am capable of getting angry.

“WHY CAN’T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!”

And in a way they are right. It takes a lot to get me angry.

“I HATE YOU SO MUCH!”

A lot…

“YOU BLOODY USLESS ITALIAN PLUMBER!”

I am by no means a xenophobe or a racist and I bear no ill will towards those in the plumbing profession.

“I’M GOING TO SHOVE THIS WII REMOTE WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE IF YOU FAIL ME AGAIN!”

But a man has his limits.

“YOU HEAR ME MARIO?! I’M GOING TO STRAIGHT UP MURDER YOU AND YOUR WHOLE MUSHROOM KINGDOM!”

And failing to kill the end of level boss ten times in a row is apparently it.

My wife watched me from the other side of the sofa, not in alarm but in fascination. She had never witnessed me in such a blind rage and she was finding it hilarious.

“DON’T LAUGH AT ME! THIS IS BAD GAME DESIGN! THIS BOSS IS IMPOSSIBLE!”

She grind even more as I waved the Wii remote around at the screen again like an angry caveman having an epileptic fit. I’d only started playing because she had got stuck and wanted my help.

“Why don’t you take a break if it is annoying you so much?” She suggested after a while.

“NO! I WILL NOT LET THIS BLOODY THING BEAT ME!”

I lost count of how many times I played the same section over and over again.

“RUN FASTER DAMN YOU!”

My fury was growing with each failure. How dare this game not let me win.

“WHY WON’T YOU JUMP WHEN I TELL YOU TOO?!”

The veins in my neck were about to pop in rage. How dare the controls not be easier.

“STOP FALLING IN THE DAMN LAVA!”

The anger was becoming too strong. I was about to throw the wii remote out the window. But then…

“YES!”

The tide of battle suddenly started to turn…

“YES! COME ON!”

…and I was so very close…

“YES! COME ON! YES!”

… all I need was one last successful mushroom attack.

“YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”

I jumped up from the sofa and threw my arms up in the air in victory.

“FINALLY!!! F**K YOU MARIO! F**K YOU LUIGI! F**K YOU BOWSER! AND F**K YOU PRINCESS PEACH!”

I marched over to the TV, switched off the Nintendo Wii, stormed out of the room and slammed the door shut while my wife fell of the sofa in fits of uncontrollable laughter.

Like I said; it takes a lot to get me angry.