by Stuart · November 27, 2012
In order to get the official answer to a few of the questions I have pondered in previous posts I did this…
Do you think he will answer? I didn’t specifically mentioned that I am a 33 year old man and not a small child but I believe it is implied through the use of language and grammar.
Tags: PakjesavondSinterklaas
Stuart
Stuart is an accident prone Englishman who has been living in the Netherlands since 2001. Even his move to the country was an unintentional accident, the result of replying to a cryptic job advertisement he found one day in a local British magazine. Since then he has learned to love the Dutch (so much so that he married one of them) and now calls the country home. He started the blog Invading Holland in 2006 as a place to share his strange stories of language misunderstandings, cultural confusions and his own accident prone nature.
I asked a Dutch person question # 7 a few weeks ago. “What happens to all the kids Sinterklaas hauls off to Spain?” His response:
“He turns them into Zwarte Pieten, of course.”
I don’t know if he came up with himself but, dang, that’s ghoulish! Spending the rest of ones natural life covered in shoe polish, handing out cookies and performing pratfalls all because you refused to eat brussel sprouts at the age of 5. On the other hand, this would make an interesting premise for a sequel to that Sint movie that came out a few years ago.
My dearest Stuart,
Since you posted the contents of your letter on your website, I only thought it fair to post my reply here as well. Don’t worry, a hand-written version of this note will make its way to one of your shoes very soon.
It always pleases Sint to see people from non-Dutch speaking cultures develop an appreciation for our quaint traditions. You wouldn’t believe how often Sint is told by tourists that Zwarte Pieten are racist (for the record: Zwarte Piet employment laws contain some of the strictest anti-discrimination provisions in the world) or that pepernoten taste like stale cookies (for the record: they don’t). To see a British young lad such as yourself take an interest in the holiday of Sinterklaas, well, it just warms the cockles of Sint’s heart.
And at Sint’s age, the cockles of Sint’s heart need frequent warming to keep Sint’s pulse from dropping below 50bpm.
At any rate, Sint is happy to answer your questions where possible. Note that some answers may be incomplete due to the non-disclosure agreement Sint has signed with the Sinter-Hanu-Kwanza-Mas conglomerate in charge of the Winter holiday period.
1) That used to be the case, but due to Europe’s stringent new privacy laws we are no longer allowed to sell or exchange naughtiness data without the subject’s written consent.
2) Yes. Like all members of the Sinter-Hanu-Kwanza-Mas conglomerate, Father Christmas has agreed not to discriminate based on the gift recipient’s holiday preferences. It’s in his contract under ‘Santa Clause’.
3) Not after what happened to his elves while they were in Sint’s care. It’s a long story.
4) Oh, all right. There actually was a cultural exchange program back in the early eighties. It… it didn’t go so well for the elves. Father Christmas managed to recoup the losses from the failed exchange program by selling the film rights to Warner Brothers, who promptly turned it into a blockbuster movie. The title currently escapes Sint; something like ‘Goblins’ or ‘Munchkins’.
5) ‘or’?
6) Let’s just say the signatories to the Maastricht Treaty, their children, their children’s children, and their children’s children’s children won’t be receiving any presents soon.
7) Pending the outcome of Sint’s case before the Spanish Supreme Court, Sint refuses to answer this question on the grounds that it may incriminate Sint.
And that is that! Thank you for the questions and the wonderful drawing, dear Stuart – Sint looks forward to breaking and entering into your home and leaving a surprise in your shoes very soon.
Sincerely,
Sint Nicolaas
(a.k.a. Sinterklaas, a.k.a. de Sint, a.k.a. S-Klaas the Big Baas)
Ooo! A response from the big man himself!
That said, I think Santa Claus’ address is much easier, AKA The North Pole.
I’m not sure Santa Claus’ address is that much simpler:
Santa Claus’ Main Post Office
Santa’s Workshop Village
Tähtikuja 1, Rovaniemi
96930 ARCTIC CIRCLE.
joulupukinpaaposti(at)posti.fi
http://www.santaclaus.posti.fi
He does have email though… I guess that helps.
Brandon – Yikes. That kind of makes the Zwarte Pieten sound like the borg or the cybermen. Zwarte Pieten are not born… they are assimilated. It would put an interesting spin on the whole thing.
Sint Nicolaas – Thank you so much for your reply Sint. I should have realized you would have been able to find my blog since you know everything. For legal reasons of my own I have to wait till I officially know this reply came from you and someone pretending to be you (but I’m sure that is not the case here of course). Thanks so much once again for taking the time to reply.
Alison – I know right :) I feel so honoured. I was told I could just write Sinterklaas on the envelope and the post office would know where to send it but I just wanted to make sure.
Robbert – Maybe I should write to Santa too and ask him some of the same questions :)
My sister (who is dutch, like me) gave her English friend a chocolate letter with a cartoonlike Zwarte Piet on it’s cover. His reply: “oh look, racist chocolate!”
Gremlins! That’s the title of the Warner Brothers film. It was on the tip of Sint’s tongue.
Sint shudders at the memory of those mutated elves. Such pointy fangs and ears….
Meta – Most expats seem to react that way.
Sint Nicolaas – I was wondering if you were talking about Gremlins. So you shouldn’t feed elves after midnight?
Well, well well, so he really does exist!! With a letter like that, though, how could Sinterklaas resist? Brilliant, Stu. BTW, I can only vote for you once. I tried to vote on Sindy’s behalf too, but they weren’t having it…. :(
OMG this is so awesome! Sint, you tha man.
Stu, I’am happy to see some of your questions answered. BTW it is a wonderful drawing of Sinterklaas.
p.s. I can’t vote anymore because I already did it :-).
No. 3: Long stories are usually the best. So what happened with the elves? Spill the beans, Sint!
VallyP – I never stopped believing :p And thank you for trying to vote for Sindy :)
AQK1982 – Thank you very much I spent hours drawing it :p
Likeahike- I don’t know if he is legally allowed to go into more details.
And Stu, did you get the real letter from Sinterklaas? Do you trust it is the real one?
AQK1982 – You’ll have to wait and see ;)
This entire post and the subsequent comments brought a smile to my face. Santa Claus needs to get with the times and respond to his letters via blog post! :D