My Very Accident Prone Day

7:34am – Wake up late due to alarm clock user error. Rush to get ready for work with no idea how My Very accident prone filled my day is going to be.

8:00am – Board train bound for Amsterdam and a day of work.

8:01am – Sudden realization that during morning rush phone was left on bed side table. Farther audio communication with girlfriend is rendered impossible. Problem for-seen since all unknown ‘when and where’ details of evening dinner plans are known by girlfriend.

9:20am – Arrive in Amsterdam. Disembark from train.

9:23am – Attempt to pump-up semi flat front tire on bike. Valve comes off in hand resulting in fully flat front tire on bike and long walk to the office with useless bike.

9:52am – Arrive in office and leave useless bike along with useless flat tire in the basement.

10:15am – Move all personal belongings and work equipment from old room into new room in the office.

11:22am – Attempts to plug computer into wall mounted electrical socket located with-in new room results in an electrical surge that cuts power over two floors of the office and renders half the company unable to proceed with daily work tasks.

11:35am – Take an early lunch.

12:54pm – Buy new valves and fix useless bike to make it useful again.

1:15pm – Return to desk to discover power restored and email from girlfriend containing the informative information that phone had been forgotten. More informative dinner location and time details are also discovered enclosed.

1:26pm – Try to do some work and not touch anything for fear of another accident prone incident.

6:00pm – Leave office to meet girlfriend and friends for dinner in nice restaurant.

7:28pm – Arrive at agreed location outside train station at agreed time. Discover absence of girlfriend and friends. Wonder if email was read correctly.

7:32pm – Convince self that email was read incorrectly. Go up to station platform. Attempt to find wireless connection with laptop with the intention of rechecking email.

7:34pm – Fail to find wireless connection with laptop for the purpose of rechecking.

7:35pm – Walk back down to station entrance to discover presence of girlfriend and friends. Decide to say nothing of attempt to recheck email. Accused of being late.

7:45pm – Arrive at nice restaurant and order nice food.

8:34pm – Go to nice restaurant’s nice rest room to discover it has nice self cleaning toilets commonly seen in China.

8:36pm – Push button labeled ‘clean’ on the technologically enhanced toilet to start its self cleaning procedure. Quickly discover that the button labeled ‘clean’ is intended for the ‘cleaning’ of the user upon the seat as a high pressure stream of water suddenly and unexpectedly leaps from the back of the bole and intersects with my person.

8:45pm – Return to table with wet knee.

11:06pm – Say good night to friends and return home with dried up knee.

12:30am – Go to bed. Hope that level and frequency of accident prone-ness is confined to single day.

12:31am – Realize that it most likely is not.