Strange Encounter With a Dutch Film Crew

Strange Encounter With a Dutch Film Crew

When I first moved to Holland I quickly realized that being an expat in a foreign country meant any simple task had the potential to become confusing and baffling.

This was mainly because I was unfamiliar with the countries customs, traditions and its language. Normally these occurrences were small and easily sorted out.

However, every once in a while something so bizarre happened that I had to question weather it had really occurred. There is one such event which still puzzles me to this day. It was so strange that I had not even imagined that it might happen.

Try to imagine that you are strolling along a street one day, enjoying the weather when an enthusiastically happy looking girl catches your eye. She returns your gaze and approaches with a smile. When she is close enough for you to hear she starts to talk to you in Dutch. You smile back a little nervously and wonder what she is saying.

The language barrier might course a small amount of confusion but this does not really count as a bizarre situation yet. Imagine the scenario again but this time with a little more detail:

You are strolling along a shopping street one day, enjoying the weather when you notice a strangely enthusiastic girl being followed around by a Dutch camera crew. She notices you and suddenly runs towards you while grinning. When she is close enough to point her microphone at you she starts to say something in Dutch. You smile nervously into the camera and wonder what it is all about.

This would be more confusing but a camera crew on the street is still not a truly surreal event yet. Imagine the scenario once more, this time with all the details:

You are strolling along a busy shopping street one day, enjoying the weather when you suddenly see a strange girl being followed around by a Dutch camera crew while wearing a large fake rubber strap-on erect penis. Despite your best attempts to avoid being seen she notices you and suddenly runs at you while her counterfeit member bounces up and down disturbingly on her crouch. When she is too close for comfort she suddenly thrusts the microphone into your face and shouts something in Dutch. You look nervously at her prosthetic manhood and wonder if you should run.

I explained I did not understand Dutch to which she replied, “Oh. Ok. Sorry to have bothered you,” and skipped off in search of another victim. What would you have done in the same situation?

Stuart

Stuart is an accident prone Englishman who has been living in the Netherlands since 2001. Even his move to the country was an unintentional accident, the result of replying to a cryptic job advertisement he found one day in a local British magazine. Since then he has learned to love the Dutch (so much so that he married one of them) and now calls the country home. He started the blog Invading Holland in 2006 as a place to share his strange stories of language misunderstandings, cultural confusions and his own accident prone nature.

34 Responses

  1. Invader Stu says:

    Sophie – Who knows maybe they still used the clip of me looking confused :)

    Tess – I don’t think I was there… unless I was having another blackout. I hope she was not asking me to help her demonstrate its use.

    Dragon lady – How do you think I feel :p

    grrlie – So was I at the time.

    ChickyBabe – Remind me to be careful about ever thrusting anything in your face :p

    Tenakalaz – Quiet you.

  2. Jodie says:

    Should it ever happen again, Stu, perhaps you should offer her a condom :)

  3. Joe says:

    You should of introduced yourself, shaked hands with the phallus, and then asked if she needed a hand(job) with anything?

  4. VallyP says:

    Stu, she was probably just trying to appeal to your feminineside ;-)

    Still, I bet you wished you’d been quick to ask her what she’d said!

  5. Emiel says:

    Weren’t you just pretending that you didn’t know Dutch? For example, if I’m in a train and forgot to buy a ticket, I seriously consider pretending to not know any Dutch, just to get out of having a fine.

  6. sophie says:

    oh yes haha! I agree with VallyP, she maybe was trying to appeal your feminine side… what she would have expected… I don’t know! maybe to make you blush…? did you? :-)

  7. Indy says:

    Yes me too sophie; I had a related experience and it did call my attention.

  8. Invader Stu says:

    Jodie – Just to make the situation that bit more surreal?

    VallyP & Sophie – Considering what she was wearing I don’t want to think about what she might have been planning to do to my feminine side.

    Emiel – I wish I had understood her… besides, not speaking Dutch has never helped me on the train :p

  9. Jodie says:

    Precisely Stu, when in Rome and all that ;-)

  10. cornish pasty says:

    “Sorry I don’t speak Dutch” is a handy phrase especially for that kind of situation. Even if you speak fluent Dutch :-)

  11. Invader Stu says:

    Jodie – Who knows where such thinking could lead :p

    Cornish – I think I used it but it’s hard to remember due to the confusion.

    Francis Simisim – Thanks :)

  12. sophie says:

    related experience Indy? my God, Amsterdam is getting harder! :-)

  13. Indy says:

    Quite a row

  14. VallyP says:

    I heard the other day that while Rotterdam has the most petty crime of all the big cities, Amsterdam has the most organised crime. The crime of this story as that it was all so disorganised so you never got to enjoy it ;-)

  15. Ash says:

    Ha ha ha. I would have definitely asked for an explanation of that one, to find out what it was all about!!! Now we’ll spend the rest of our lives wondering….

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