Random Accidents and Acts of Stupidity

– So far in my life I have super glued my fingers together on more then ten separate occasions.

– I have also super glued my fingers to other random objects no less then three times. One was the tube of superglue itself.

– I’ve fallen into two canals on two separate occasions but neither of them where in Holland.

– I found out the hard way that the sugar supplement in sugar free wine gums can acts as a laxative if eaten in large quantities.

– I once decided that the best way to demonstrate to my parents what I wanted to be when I grew up was to climb onto the sofa and jump as high and as far as I could while shouting, “Look at me. I’m a stuntman.” This might have been the start of a successful career if it had not been for the glass of water that I had left on the floor while watching cartoons a few moments earlier. My parents had the fun job of pulling the bits of glass out of my leg.

– I once spent four hours trapped in a lift in a deserted building with no contact to the outside world under the impression that I would be there for the whole weekend (Full story).

– I have only broken one bone in my body. However, I did spend eight hours lost and drunk in Holland walking around on it with out a clue that my ankle was broken (Full story).

– Most of my fingers have been slammed in a door at some point in my life apart from my left thumb. That was just nearly bitten off by a donkey when I was a toddler.

РI once set fire to a table in a fondue caf̩ in Amsterdam by spilling the oil burner used to melt the cheese over it. I had to get the waiters help to put it out before I was officially labelled as either the arsonist or the idiot who burnt the whole place down.

– I lost part of a tooth during a game of tag at school by turning a corner too quickly, running straight into another student and smashing my mouth into the top of their head. The missing part of my tooth might still be stuck in his scalp. It seemed rude to ask for it back.

– As a child I managed to give myself concussion while chasing my great grandmother’s dog around the house. The K9 obviously had a better sense of spatial awareness then me because he was able to successfully run through the door into the living room. I on the other hand ran directly into the door frame and knocked myself out.

Amazingly I am still alive and in possession of all my original body parts.