The Hema Comes to England

I should have seen this coming. It was obvious really. The Dutch store Hema has opened its doors in London and things will never be the same again!

This might sound like an overreaction at first but anyone who has visited one of their stores in Holland will know how dangerous shopping in one of them can be. They sell everything and at low prices too. You might go in only intending to buy some printer ink but before you know what is happening you’ve exited the store again having just bought; some new oven gloves, a usb stick, a packet of Stroopwafels, an orange t-shirt (for next King’s Day), some storage boxes, an inflatable rookworst (that can not be eaten), super glue, a Jip and Janneke story book and a new bicycle bell. You didn’t even by the printer ink you went in to buy because why would you need to when you were just able to by a new Hema printer so cheaply. Hema is a very dangerous store.

And who knows what affect the influence of Hema will have upon the English culture.

1) Will Queen Elizabeth start having Stroopwafels with her afternoon tea?

2) Will the British public start whistling the famous Hema whistle everywhere they go, unable to get it out of their heads?

3) Will the iconic British red buses, telephone boxes and letter boxes all be repainted orange?

4) Will Hyde Park and Regents Park be closed to the public and converted into tulip fields?

5) Will Jip and Janneke start making appearances on Children’s BBC? Will Miffy suddenly change her name to Nijntje?

6) Will Big Ben be converted into a windmill?

7) Will London be taken over by bicycles?

8) Will the Themes river be reclassified as a canal and will people start skating on it if it ever freezes over?

9) Will England expand its landmass by flattening all of its hills and using them to reclaim the sea around it?

Only time will tell.