Summer Ransom

Summer Ransom

Dear Holland,

I am holding your summer captive. If you ever want to see it again you will meet with my demands. If my demands are not met you will never get to wear that new bikini you just bought to the beach. I know you are Dutch and will most likely go to the beach in the freezing cold anyway but you know what I mean.

To prove to you that I am serious I have enclosed ten minutes of partly sunny weather between out bursts of rain, just enough to make you think wearing shorts was a good idea this morning.

Now that I have your attention my demands are as follows:

1) My own windmill.
2) A canal named after me.
3) A lifetime’s supply of Speculoos.
4) Tea to be served as god intended, with milk and sugar.
5) A pair of clogs (size 41).
6) My upstairs neighbours to stop having loud noisy ‘intimate time’.
7) A very large wheels of cheese.

An address for a drop of point will be sent later.

Do not call the cops. If I see any cops your summer will become a victim of ‘global warming’ if you know what I mean and that large amount of money you just spent on that air conditioning installation will become a very poor investment indeed.

Kind regards
The kidnapper

Stuart

Stuart is an accident prone Englishman who has been living in the Netherlands since 2001. Even his move to the country was an unintentional accident, the result of replying to a cryptic job advertisement he found one day in a local British magazine. Since then he has learned to love the Dutch (so much so that he married one of them) and now calls the country home. He started the blog Invading Holland in 2006 as a place to share his strange stories of language misunderstandings, cultural confusions and his own accident prone nature.

37 Responses

  1. Dave Hampton says:

    If you release summer, we will stop the beesies from multiplying in your grocery bags and apartments. Otherwise, we will introduce two new day-glo colours next week and extend the promotion until Christmas.

  2. Dragonlady says:

    Summer is here, the threat of sending you to bed with no dinner must have worked

  3. Invader_Stu says:

    VallyP – For now Vally… For now.

    Inaie – I think I’ll suffer bad sunburn if I try to kidnap that one :p

    Dave Hampton – Mahahah. What you don’t know is I am trying to collect them so I can build an army.

    Dragonlady – It always does

  4. French Bean says:

    Hm. Making a ransom note to a country is not such a bad idea. Perhaps I should do the same thing with France…(although I wouldn’t mind eating some gouda right now).

    -French Bean

  5. Invader Stu says:

    You could hold them ransom for lots gouda. Think big.

  6. JohnD says:

    Lollig!

  7. Sheila Sens says:

    You crack me up every single time I read your blog!
    Try it in Brazil, you will get even a World Cup trophy to have the summer back ;)

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.