Summer Ransom
Dear Holland,
I am holding your summer captive. If you ever want to see it again you will meet with my demands. If my demands are not met you will never get to wear that new bikini you just bought to the beach. I know you are Dutch and will most likely go to the beach in the freezing cold anyway but you know what I mean.
To prove to you that I am serious I have enclosed ten minutes of partly sunny weather between out bursts of rain, just enough to make you think wearing shorts was a good idea this morning.
Now that I have your attention my demands are as follows:
1) My own windmill.
2) A canal named after me.
3) A lifetime’s supply of Speculoos.
4) Tea to be served as god intended, with milk and sugar.
5) A pair of clogs (size 41).
6) My upstairs neighbours to stop having loud noisy ‘intimate time’.
7) A very large wheels of cheese.
An address for a drop of point will be sent later.
Do not call the cops. If I see any cops your summer will become a victim of ‘global warming’ if you know what I mean and that large amount of money you just spent on that air conditioning installation will become a very poor investment indeed.
Kind regards
The kidnapper
Keith – I’ll never talk. Do your worst.
Please elaborate on that bikini part. Will “Holland” not get to wear a bikini, or is it ALL inhabitants of Holland that does not get to wear a bikini? If it is the inhabitants – is stopping them from wearing a bikini such a bad thing? I’m not sure if I see that as a threat. And about the Speculoos – they do not exist here in Sweden, but I have a flemish colleague who brought a package to work. I ate 2 and I’m addicted. I WANT MORE!!!!!
Veronica – It’s all inhabitants as they will all experience the same lack of summer. However, the Dutch being the Dutch they are more likely to ignore the fact that it is cold and wear a bikini anyway.
1. Modern or classic?
2. Any specific canal you want to be named after you?
3. No problem, two jars a week?
4. God likes his tea plain, he’s brave.
5. (sends notice to Staatsbosbeheer to fell the largest oaktrees in the country) might take some time.
6. *Nudge nudge wink wink* Or would you like to have a surveillance camera installed in their bedr… oh wait you’re British. We’ll ask them to tone it down.
7. Ah… yes… we’re terrible sorry but we’re right out of them, we… ehm… sold them all, that’s rightwe sold them all… to the… eh… eh… Americans
Yorrick:
1) Classic
2) A good one. A big one.
3) You obviously don’t know how big my addiction is.
4) Lies!
5) The longer it takes the less summer you get.
6) Yes please… to the toning down.
7) Nnnnnooooooooooo!!!
Hahaha! If you kidnap our summer, I’ll kidnap your spring. That’s right, spring! No flowers, no green, no newborn lambs, no baby birds! Take that, you thief! Haha! *evil laugh, mustache twirling ‘n stuff*
Anneke – I wont be in London in Spring much so your threat does not scare me :p
Done! where do I sign?? A decent summer is worth any ransom…hmmm, I’m not Dutch…does that count?
VallyP – As long as I get what I want it counts. I’ll expect delivery soon.
Heh heh! I say those are reasonable demands.
Just a Plane Ride Away – Me too. It’s a good thing someone gave in in time as well. Holland now has some summer. I can’t be held responsible for what ever summer or lack there of you find in England :p
Noooooooooooo! Someone gave in. I liked the cold so much, it reminded me of fall.
Now that the longest day of the year has passed I’m looking forward to winter, and I hope it’ll be as good as last years. Yes, I mean that. No, I’m not crazy. Well… perhaps I am, but not because I prefer winter over summer.
Wezz6400 – I would say you might be crazy because of heat stroke but that would have required Holland to have some heat first.
It’s been just perfect today Stu…I must have paid enough, right?
Here!! Please come to Bahrain and kidnap OUR sun!!! Summer is not at full blast yeat and we already reach high 40 C …
Kidnappers, come to bahrain now!!!!