Awfully British Fake Facts – Part 3

Awfully British Fake Facts - Part 3

1) The English are only polite to hide the terrible secret they keep.

2) Contrary to popular belief the English did not invent the English language. They simply found it in a book one day.

3) The English have very strict rules about queuing. Anyone who is caught breaking those rules is held in the tower of London indefinitely.

4) No one knows where the Thames River came from. It simply appeared over night in 1972.

5) It is always raining in England. Any photo you have seen to the contrary has been altered in photoshop.

6) Downton Abbey is an accurate depiction of modern day England.

7) Everyone in England must wear bowler hats. It is the law.

8) The English don’t need to spell things differently. They just like to annoy the Americans.

9) If an Englishman ever offers you the last biscuit do not take it. It is a test and if you take it you will fail.

10) If an Englishman ever turns something down out of politeness it is secretly the thing they desire the most.

11) The easiest way to trap two Englishman in one location is to present them with an open door. They will become stuck in a politeness loop as they take turns in saying, “No. I insist. After you.”

12) Tea is a highly addictive drug. The English don’t actually like drinking it but they can’t kick the habit either.

13) And most importantly of all; none of which you have just read is the terrible secret which the English hide behind their politeness.

Want to read some fake facts about the Dutch? Check out the list of Dreadfully Dutch Fake Facts.

#AwfullyBritishFakeFacts

Stuart

Stuart is an accident prone Englishman who has been living in the Netherlands since 2001. Even his move to the country was an unintentional accident, the result of replying to a cryptic job advertisement he found one day in a local British magazine. Since then he has learned to love the Dutch (so much so that he married one of them) and now calls the country home. He started the blog Invading Holland in 2006 as a place to share his strange stories of language misunderstandings, cultural confusions and his own accident prone nature.

4 Responses

  1. Alison says:

    The lie is that these are all lies. They’re true! All true! :)

  2. #8: Yes, particularly “Abbey” and “bowler.” :P

    #9: But what if I want to see the Englishman’s inner Bilbo be unleashed?!

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