How (Not) To Pick Up Dutch Girls – Part 1
It is a late summer evening six years ago. I am still young, free and single. I am standing at the checkout of my local Albert Heijn super market. The young and attractive Dutch girl in front of me beeps the ingredients of my pasta dinner over her scanner. I decide to show off a little and talk to her in Dutch.
“Mag ik een tasje?” I ask.
With a smile she reaches under the counter and gives me the requested bag. The rest of our little flirtation continues in Dutch as she asks the usual questions; do I have a bonus card, would I like to pay with cash, would I require a receipt. I reply to all her questions with my perfect Dutch vocabulary. Slowly our brief little moment comes to pass. I am about to leave but then…
“I have to ask. Are you English?” she suddenly asks.
The poor girl. She is obviously powerless against my irresistible English charm. I turn back to her with a smile. There is still a long line of people waiting to be served but all she must be able to think about is the terrible feeling of knowing she let me walk out of her life without getting my phone number. Maybe my dinner for one was about to become a dinner for two.
“Yes I am.” I reply with my best ‘I’m British so I’m as smooth as James Bond’ smile.
“Rightttttt. You’re accent is horrible. You should never talk Dutch again.” And without another word she starts serving the next customer.
My ‘smooth as James Bond’ smile suddenly becomes an ‘awkward as Hugh Grant’ stammer. After a few stunned seconds I decide to leave… quickly.
That’s not honest, that’s just rude!
I can slightly relate to your story. I studied French, but I still have the inevitable Dutch accent when speaking. Most people don’t mind it and encourage me to continue.
However, one time in France I had a different experience. It happened when some French couple politely asked for directions. I felt pretty well-chuffed I could give them directions in a town I didn’t live in and do this in French as well. However, when I started talking they just gave me an utterly disgusted look and walked away (while I was still in the midst of a sentence). Instead they asked the nearest French guy they could find, who was a drunk clochard. They didn’t give him the look, those frogs.
oops..I occasionally get the “you-don’t-speak-in-a-good-Dutch-accent” stare . Though less as compared to my initial few months in the Netherlands. Now, in fact, my Doctor encourages me to speak in Dutch, knowing well that she will have to switch back to English in a few sentences :)
That’s a classic, it must have been “say it how you see it Tuesday”, ah no I forgot, every day is say it how you see it in NL.
I’m with Breigh! Let’s get the b… nasty female person!
Although… Come to think of it, if she still works there, since this was six years ago… that would be quite sad, and punishment enough in itself, wouldn’t it?
After all, Stu turned out alright, what with the fiancee and all :)
Btw, what’s with the thing where Dutch people count to one, two, tree? Like they’re in a park or something?? Talk about pronunciation ;)
I’m Romanian and most “native English speakers” cannot pronounce some of our sounds. This doesn’t make them stupid, it’s just an imperfection. I’d be happy to see someone is MAKING AN EFFORT to learn my language and not make fun of them for not speaking it perfectly. I’d like to see that girl speak English with “clean” accent.
She’s just being mean and that’s it. And it’s so rude and stupid it’s not even funny
What a bitch! Most Dutch people who think my Dutch is god-awful just nod and start speaking in English. I have the most difficulty with delivery guys and people whose education is at a somewhat lesser level–they can’t even tell me that my Dutch sucks in English.
I think I kicked up the hornets nest with this one. the good thing is it is six years ago and I can see the funny side of it now. I feel no need to lead a expat hanging pose to the Albert Heijn… but on the other hand when things like this still happen to us it does suck. Maybe it would be good to make an example.
Mub – You just made me think of something. Dutch people always talk English to Dutch talking expats to help. We should tell them it is in fact us trying to help them :p
Sarah – I don’t know. If things had happened between us I hate to think what else she might have been ‘honest about’
Anita – They walk a fine line between honest and rude sometimes.
kerryanne – Indeed
Nienke – I never get that either. I have the same with Dutch. Just because I can’t pronounce my G’s right does not know I don’t know my way around the city. I feel your pain.
Orangesplaash – That’s good that you are getting some encouragement. It’s the best way to learn.
LizzeeB – I think that should become an official name :)
Belle – Indeed, still working in AH is worse than any punishment I can think up for her and I think my fiancee will agree that things worked out alright as well ;)
I like to think they are counting trees like the count from Sesame Street. “1, 2 trees. Ahahah.”
Ramona – I agree. The main thing is people try.
Jules – That’s why it’s best to just keep on talking Dutch to them. It makes them look dumb.
I lol’ed at this FAIL…and that was an especially mean thing to say! o_O”
French Bean – It’s ok. I can lol about it to now. Sometimes when something that absurd happens you just have to lol :)
LOL–but sorry that happened, Invader Stu :-(
Right before I moved away, someone told me that he and his friends like to make fun of foreigners who try to speak Dutch. Aren’t they supposed to think that our accents sound “cute”?!
Oh Stu, that was so mean!! No wonder you shrivelled and slunk outside. Honesty, however well meant, is not always the best policy is it?
Just a Plane Ride Away – I wonder if one of his friends was this checkout girl :p
VallyP – I agree. Something tells me it is not in the AH employee handbook.
. . . and is your accent just as bad now?
Oh, Stu, I feel for you! I know a woman who stopped speaking Dutch after three years of lessons when a man in a kassa told her, “I can understand what you are saying, but you speak like you have two tongues in your head.” Keep trying. And try a different checkout line.
Hilarious.