Why Trying To Learn Dutch Feels Like Going Back to School
Maybe it is because I am English and the stereotypical politeness that comes with it that courses me to ask a Dutch person “Spreekt u Engels?” before I bombard them with the language. Whatever the reason may be a lot of them reply with a very simple, “Yes, a little.”
However, when a Dutch person suggests they only know a little bit of English it is usually the equivalent of Albert Einstein claiming he only knows a little bit about mathematics or Steven Hawkins saying he only understands some Physics. In contrast to this when most English people say they can speak Dutch it’s usually the equivalent of claiming to be a gourmet chef when all they can do is burn toast.
English seems to come easy to the Dutch but most (not all) expats struggle with Dutch. Attempting to learn Dutch often feels like returning to school. This isn’t because every Dutch person runs around in school uniform, scraping their nails down any available chalkboard and making out with the girls from the neighboring country behind the bike shed (although some probably do). It’s because it’s like trying to learn reading, writing and speaking all over again (especially if you are dyslexic like me).
Counting has to be re-learnt. The system for telling the time is different. There are new names for the letters of the alphabet. You even have to learn how combinations of different letters make new and unfamiliar sounds that will course you to talk like a Klingon with a cold.
During the first few months of learning a conversation with a Dutch person is like trying to understand Scooby Doo. You might be able to figure out what they are saying from their hand gestures and the noises they make but the words themselves are impossible to understand.
Every conversation becomes an exam that you have not studied for enough, possibly because the X-Box or PS2 provided too much of a distraction. A simple solution to this might be to write the answers on your arm and have a sneak peak when no one is looking.
If you get caught however you might end up getting sent to the head masters office along with the Spanish kid who did not realize his Dutch friends were only teaching him swear words (which would make him seem to have Dutch tourettes) and whenever he thought he was asking for directions he was in fact asking for something that would make most prostitutes in the red light district blush.
I cheated and went to University in Holland….
For me it was the other way around, I had to learn English when I went to an American High School when I was 13. It was pretty scary to attend classes and not have a clue what they’re about, so I know how you feel.
Veel succes met het leren van Nederlands!!!
Emiel
I’m just worried I’m going to run out of arm, my new job has promised to only speak Dutch to me.
“Ash – Is it just when shopping for avocados that they use the F word?”
No, it’s for every object. If it’s an object, it will be proceeded by the F word!
when asked something in flemish (because the belgians don’t speak dutch and the dutch don’t speak flemish, we don’t want to upset the two sets of people) i end up asking ‘spreekt u engels of frans’ ? so my flemish is extremely advanced as you can see.
i can also give directions, providing on whether or not i know where they want to go to.
Hey Stuart,
As i said on bloggertalk, love the blog!
I feel your pain though with regards to learning dutch…Im learning shorthand, and im having the exact same problems you are! and Shorthands in English! lol
Keep up the good work!
Joe
It’s only since learning Dutch (sorry Zoe, Flemish), that I realised why the English commentators always had so much difficulty with Ruud Gullit’s last name (and in the end, none of them got it right). It’s like how people pronounce Vincent Van Gogh. Some say Goff, some Goh, but if they were getting it right, it just sounds like you are clearing your throat.
I feel for you. Really I do. The first time I went to Mexico I was totally lost because mexican spanish is different than Spain spanish.
Although, when the residents claim to only know a little english, they actually did only know a sentence or 2.
Keep your head up.
haha LOVE the blog :) I found you through Stitched in Holland. I totally agree that the Dutch really downplay how well they can speak English. When I say I can speak a bit of Dutch, I mean a bit… like I’d struggle carrying on a conversation with a 3 year old. When they say a bit, they mean something totally different. I’m convinced that they do it to lower our expectations so when they do speak we are totally impressed. You know how much the Dutch love to ‘wow’ people!
My problem is, when I phone somewhere or am out shopping and ask ‘Spreekt u ook engels?’, they often respond ‘Yes, but you speak Dutch’. Argh! Knowing how to ask if they speak English doesn’t = fluent in Dutch by any means :P
I’ve been living here since 1999 and while I understand a lot of the language, I can’t speak it for shit. Most of my conversations with the Dutch is them speaking Dutch to me and me speaking English to them. Probably would seem quite strange to someone looking on.