Why Trying To Learn Dutch Feels Like Going Back to School
Maybe it is because I am English and the stereotypical politeness that comes with it that courses me to ask a Dutch person “Spreekt u Engels?” before I bombard them with the language. Whatever the reason may be a lot of them reply with a very simple, “Yes, a little.”
However, when a Dutch person suggests they only know a little bit of English it is usually the equivalent of Albert Einstein claiming he only knows a little bit about mathematics or Steven Hawkins saying he only understands some Physics. In contrast to this when most English people say they can speak Dutch it’s usually the equivalent of claiming to be a gourmet chef when all they can do is burn toast.
English seems to come easy to the Dutch but most (not all) expats struggle with Dutch. Attempting to learn Dutch often feels like returning to school. This isn’t because every Dutch person runs around in school uniform, scraping their nails down any available chalkboard and making out with the girls from the neighboring country behind the bike shed (although some probably do). It’s because it’s like trying to learn reading, writing and speaking all over again (especially if you are dyslexic like me).
Counting has to be re-learnt. The system for telling the time is different. There are new names for the letters of the alphabet. You even have to learn how combinations of different letters make new and unfamiliar sounds that will course you to talk like a Klingon with a cold.
During the first few months of learning a conversation with a Dutch person is like trying to understand Scooby Doo. You might be able to figure out what they are saying from their hand gestures and the noises they make but the words themselves are impossible to understand.
Every conversation becomes an exam that you have not studied for enough, possibly because the X-Box or PS2 provided too much of a distraction. A simple solution to this might be to write the answers on your arm and have a sneak peak when no one is looking.
If you get caught however you might end up getting sent to the head masters office along with the Spanish kid who did not realize his Dutch friends were only teaching him swear words (which would make him seem to have Dutch tourettes) and whenever he thought he was asking for directions he was in fact asking for something that would make most prostitutes in the red light district blush.
After four years I can tell the time properly, but I still ask for appointment times in 24 hour clock terminology to avoid confusion.
The alphabet is difficult. If I need to spell anything out I use the phonetic alphabet. It’s well worth learning and everyone knows it.
But Stu, at least you’re trying. The fast majority of your country lot can’t be bothered and end up talking s l o w e r or LOUDER as if we have something with our hearing.
So, well done.
I was raised with the language (the daughter of recent Dutch immigrants to Canada), so I greatly admire your skill in learning a pretty awkward language.
Yes! “A little bit.” I love it. I always have to hold back a laugh, because I know that the conversation that is about to take place will be extremely complex, and they’ll have no problem following. Who teaches them to say “a little”? Hilarious.
I love it when I’m shopping with the Quebecoise (which is to say females from Quebec) that I live with and they just blast out the F word, and all the anglophones stare in shocked shockingness. Then I’m left to remind the girls that we’re not actually supposed to use that word when referring to avocados. But they never learn…
I’m lost now. I didn’t know they had their own proper language on continental Holland. On my name that I should have known better.
Cheers,
:)
Oh yes and it makes it easier to order’ tekila’ and follow snottish combersations …
Cheers
;)
I found your blog while in search of information about the Netherlands. I am part Dutch and very curious to learn the language. I hope you don’t mind if I continue to read your blog, I’m finding it very entertaining & insightful!
Kind regards,
Alisha
I’m not moving to Holland until March, en ik praat al Nederlands, what does that say about me :-)
I’ve just been using it to eavesdrop on Dutch tourists over here.
Tess: I have that problem in Amsterdam, it’s okay in Rotterdam though. Except at Shoarma-places, I’ve never managed to order those in Dutch
Could be, it wouldn’t explain the Shoarmas though.
Or it could be the millions of tourists every year pretending to know how to order beer in A’dam.
Can Stu make most prostitutes in the red light district blush?? :P
I have infact met a dutch person who didn’t speak a word of English. However… he was about 100 and this was in the deepest darkest depths of scheveningen *shudder*
PS shoarmas are YUMMMMMMMYYY. There was a great restaurant near us when i lived in blankenburgstraat in The Hague. I forget its name but it was the best Egyptian place in the world. Everytime we went we had “shoarma kip”. :-D wow the mere mention of shoarma brings back memories of my childhood :-)
It seems to me you’re worrying too much. When I first came here (16 years ago) I went to evening classes to learn the language, but it didn’t take and I stopped going. But over the next 15 years Dutch sort of soaked in and eventually I found I could both understand and speak it – not brilliantly, but well enough. And the fact remains that 99% of these people speak English anyway. Give it time, it’ll come.
Tess – Actually when they start to speak English it feels like a get out of jail free card. Although it is true that that might be why I have not had enough practice.
But nothing can be as strange as the time an Albert Hijn girl told me she did not like my English accent when I spoke Dutch.
Mattias – Have you just learnt Dutch or did you already know it?
BlondebutBright – A lot of Dutch people I know learnt English from the A-Team so they properly learnt it from there.
Ash – Is it just when shopping for avocados that they use the F word?
Harry-P – Until I moved here I was not sure how much English they spoke.
Jean-P – I think another way to put it is it makes it more ‘dangerous’ to order tequila.
Tenakalaz – Fabo = Some thing to only eat when you are very drunk on the way back from the pub.
ChickyBabe – Do you really want to know or are you just trying to get me to talk dirty to you? :p