The Speculoos Invasion

Shocked Englishman Cartoon

During my recent return visit to England I made a shocking discovery.

I was simply trying to enjoy some time off work and a chance to catch up with friends and family. I certainly was not attempting to uncover any dark or sinister secret but I found one anyway while looking through the cupboards in my parent’s kitchen. It’s not the kind of place you usually expect to make earth shattering discoveries but there it was, impossible to ignore, nestled between a jar of strawberry jam and peanut butter spread. I had been quite unprepared to encounter it.

A jar of Caramelized Biscuit Spread…

English Speculoos

At least that is what the label said but I knew what it really was. They might have changed the name but there was no mistaking its true identity. It seems that the highly addictive substance known as ‘Speculoos Sandwich Spread’ has found its way across the border and infiltrated my home country of England.

I can only assume that the name change was how it was able to enter the country un-noticed in such large quantities. It was a smart move. Although I am surprised that it worked since it is essentially like rebranding ‘cocaine’ as ‘harmless white powder’ so that it can be sold in the local super market.

I tried to raise the alarm with the local authorities but my warnings fell upon deaf ears (maybe they were already addicted). There was nothing I could do. No one would listen. I fear it will not be long before the whole of England is addicted. There may be no stopping it.

And then what will happen next? Is it only a matter of time before English shops start selling Hagelslag? Knapperige Hagels? Stroopwafels? Where will it end?

Stuart

Stuart is an accident prone Englishman who has been living in the Netherlands since 2001. Even his move to the country was an unintentional accident, the result of replying to a cryptic job advertisement he found one day in a local British magazine. Since then he has learned to love the Dutch (so much so that he married one of them) and now calls the country home. He started the blog Invading Holland in 2006 as a place to share his strange stories of language misunderstandings, cultural confusions and his own accident prone nature.

33 Responses

  1. Kiki says:

    dutch ‘crack cocaine’! Am addicted! gotta have it every morning! on everything!!!

  2. Sharon says:

    I miss eating Speculoos in the Netherlands but have another way:
    Ben & Jerry’s unveiled three new creations on Tuesday and it’s tasty news for cookie lovers.

    The combinations include “Boom Chocolatta,” which features mocha and caramel ice creams, chocolate cookies, fudge flakes and a chocolate cookie core.

    Then there’s “Peanut Buttah,” a peanut butter filled concoction with a peanut butter cookie core.

    Finally, there’s “Spectacular Speculoos” – dark caramel and vanilla ice cream with Speculoos cookies, which is a spiced shortbread biscuit.

  3. Roelie says:

    Im Dutch and I hate this stuff.. I’m an expat and my parents send me this with my monthly supply.. It’s so nasty.. Try the real cookies, it’s so much better

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