Random Accidents and Acts of Stupidity

Random Accidents

So far in my life I have super glued my fingers together on more then ten separate occasions.

I have also super glued my fingers to other random objects no less then three times. One was the tube of superglue itself.

I’ve fallen into two canals on two separate occasions but neither of them where in Holland.

I found out the hard way that the sugar supplement in sugar free wine gums can acts as a laxative if eaten in large quantities.

I once decided that the best way to demonstrate to my parents what I wanted to be when I grew up was to climb onto the sofa and jump as high and as far as I could while shouting, “Look at me. I’m a stuntman.” This might have been the start of a successful career if it had not been for the glass of water that I had left on the floor while watching cartoons a few moments earlier. My parents had the fun job of pulling the bits of glass out of my leg.

I once spent four hours trapped in a lift in a deserted building with no contact to the outside world under the impression that I would be there for the whole weekend (Full story).

I have only broken one bone in my body. However, I did spend eight hours lost and drunk in Holland walking around on it with out a clue that my ankle was broken (Full story).

Most of my fingers have been slammed in a door at some point in my life apart from my left thumb. That was just nearly bitten off by a donkey when I was a toddler.

I once set fire to a table in a fondue café in Amsterdam by spilling the oil burner used to melt the cheese over it. I had to get the waiters help to put it out before I was officially labelled as either the arsonist or the idiot who burnt the whole place down.

I lost part of a tooth during a game of tag at school by turning a corner too quickly, running straight into another student and smashing my mouth into the top of their head. The missing part of my tooth might still be stuck in his scalp. It seemed rude to ask for it back.

As a child I managed to give myself concussion while chasing my great grandmother’s dog around the house. The K9 obviously had a better sense of spatial awareness then me because he was able to successfully run through the door into the living room. I on the other hand ran directly into the door frame and knocked myself out.

Amazingly I am still alive and in possession of all my original body parts.

Stuart

Stuart is an accident prone Englishman who has been living in the Netherlands since 2001. Even his move to the country was an unintentional accident, the result of replying to a cryptic job advertisement he found one day in a local British magazine. Since then he has learned to love the Dutch (so much so that he married one of them) and now calls the country home. He started the blog Invading Holland in 2006 as a place to share his strange stories of language misunderstandings, cultural confusions and his own accident prone nature.

19 Responses

  1. Jake says:

    Stu – you forgot to mention that you managed to spill those pots of unspillable paint (TM) at college. Oh, and the time that you jumped into the lighting scaffold while demonstrating the magic of 3D lighting.

    And the exploding can of spraypaint.

    Need I go on?

    However, thanks to you, my accidents with the electrical socket, the industrial sander and my fingers seem quite tame.

  2. Emiel says:

    Isn’t there some sort of support group for this? The AA? (Accidents Anonymous) Admitting you have a problem is the first step in the healing process ;-)

  3. Invader Stu says:

    Manictastic – Thanks… I think

    Dragon Lady – And there was the time you found me face down in a pond as a child…. I really am lucky to be alive.

    Jake – I’ve already written about those in my college post :)

    Emiel – Do you really want that amount of accident prone people in one room?

  4. ChickyBabe says:

    Purrr.

    (You asked for it! :P)

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