Dutch Circle Party Guide – How to Survive a Dutch Birthday
If you’ve lived in The Netherlands for any length of time you’ve probably encountered a Dutch birthday party, and if you haven’t you will eventually. It is inevitable. A Dutch birthday party can be best described as a ‘party’ that involves sitting around in a circle all afternoon and chatting while drinking tea or coffee and eating cake. Because of this they have become know as Dutch circle parties among a lot of people (expats and Dutch alike). Anyone who only considers a party to be a party if someone is passed out drunk in the corner, people are making out in the kitchen and the cops have been called at least three times is going to be sorely disappointed. Here is everything you need to know.
1) Gefeliciteerd and Arriving at the Party
When arriving at a Dutch circle party you will be expected to greet everyone, not just the birthday boy or girl. Don’t expect to get away with a general group, “hello,” either. You’ll have to make your way around the circle, greeting each person individually (with a handshake or cheek kisses, depending on the situation).
At this point it is very important to know that when the other attendees shake your hand and announce ‘Gefeliciteerd’ they are not introducing themselves with their name. It might start to seem like you are being introduced to a very big family (or that Gefeliciteerd is a more common name in The Netherlands than Smith) but they are in fact wishing you, “congratulations”. You are expected to congratulate them in return. Don’t make the same mistake I made when attending my first Dutch birthday party.
Guest: “Gefeliciteerd.”
Me: “Stuart. Nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Gefeliciteerd.”
All this congratulating happens because it is custom for the Dutch to congratulate everyone at the birthday party. It is not (as I later discovered) because they are unsure who the birthday boy or girl is (don’t try to be helpful by pointing). Family members will be congratulated for their connection to their Son/Daughter/Grandchild/Brother/Sister/Niece/Nephew/Cousin/other. Friends will be congratulated for being friends with their friend and neighbors will be congratulated for living next door to someone who is having a birthday. Every loose connection to the birthday girl or boy is celebrated.
2) Joining The Circle
The party will take place exclusively in the living room because that is where the seating has been arranged. Anything that even resembles a chair, sofa or stool will have been dragged from every other room in the house (or in emergencies the neighbors house) to form a circle. This is possibly because it is the optimal seating arrangement that allows for conversation.
Small side note; it does not technically have to be a perfect circle but I cover that in my post on Circle Party Closed Loop Theory.
Once you have successfully found a place to sit within the circle (not necessarily next to the people you arrived with and most likely between people you don’t know at all) you will be offered a drink and some cake. If you desire a drink with a little extra kick it is advisable to secretly conceal a hip flask of alcohol about your person. The strongest thing to be served at most Dutch circle parties is tea and coffee.
If all the congratulating from earlier has left you confused about who the birthday person is don’t worry, they are most likely the one who just served you tea and cake. In fact, they will be responsible for all the catering. They don’t get much of a rest on their special day. They even have to buy or bake their own cake.
3) Meeting the Family and Other Party Guests
The guests you’ll find at a typical Dutch birthday party are usually a mix of friends, family and other acquaintances. It is custom for there to be a minimum of 3 or 4 generations of family present (the maximum limit is only set by the average human life span). This makes it entirely possible to go from a conversation about life as a member of the Dutch resistance during World War 2 to another about which My Little Pony character is the best and why. It’s best to avoid getting these two conversations mixed up. Princess Twilight Sparkle was never part of the Dutch resistance.
However, since a lot of these conversations will be in Dutch and thus impossible for a non-Dutch speaker to follow it is best to find something of interest to do to pass the time such as; staring at a wall, listening to the clock tick, trying to guess how much Dutch ‘worst & kaas’ you can eat or simply going to your happy place.
4) Dutch Circle Party Surprise
However, you must also stay alert! As a non Dutch speaker it is possible to go from being unintentionally ignored to suddenly having the entire room focus upon you within a split second. This is usually because everyone is waiting silently for your answer to a question that you didn’t hear because you were too busy watching a bug crawl across the window.
It can happen because a Dutch attendee simply wanted to practice their English, ask you what brought you to the Netherlands or simply want to know the current prices of the UK housing market. Whatever the reason, everyone in the room suddenly wants to hear the English speaker talk and they never seem to realize what a shock to the system this sudden intimidating attention can be. Nor do they realize that testing us on our Dutch under the watchful eye of a room full of native speakers is not necessarily the most comfortable of situations.
5) When Does a Dutch Circle Party Finish?
But do not worry if you are outted as the only expat in the room. You will not have to suffer for long. Most Dutch birthday parties have a set end time at a very respectable hour. In fact, when most parties elsewhere in the world are just getting started a Dutch circle party is promptly finishing. If you are unsure when you should leave, don’t worry. The host or hostess will politely remind their guests it is time to leave by cleaning up around them.
PARRTTTYYYY!!!!!
- Find out more about the Dutch Circle Party by checking out these posts:
- How To Identify a Dutch Circle Party
- Dutch Circle Party Closed Loop Theory
- Children’s Dutch Circle Party
This is sooo good, you’ve described it perfectly!! Only thing you forgot to include, is when these unknown people hear you’re NOT Dutch and they ask you the 3 “de rigeur” questions: “are you adapting?” “how do you like Holland?” and “Can you ride a bike?”; after which they will (thank God) forget that you are there and you can resume staring at the bug on the wall…
Or….. to add some variety to the whole “procedure”, they’ll ask you where you come from, when you say that you come from Argentina, they’ll ask you, “what language do you speak there – Latin?” After which you have to excuse yourself and run to the “wc” to be able to burst out laughing at ease!!! :o)
Lovely post. I agree with with one of the posters who said you have to arrive after seven. there will be good snacks (deep fried) and booze. But somehow people tend to “celebrate” between noon and around 4. Why? Gosh. I guess we are inclined to invite the entire family, inc grandma. We don’t want to get wasted when grandma is around. And when grandma/ants/uncles/boredom leaves, we are beaten down so we just want to.. wash the tea cups, and watch tv.
I’ve been to plenty horrific circle parties. I try to avoid, but…. it’s The Force.
Sonya – I’ve done that as well. It’s so confusing. Why do I have to congratulate everyone? It’s not their birthday. It makes no sense to me.
Paule – He sounds like he had a god idea sneaking in Vodka. I’m going to start doing that from now on.
MissNeriss – It sounds like your fiancée wants to share the pain. I’m also past the length of time where I should have learned Dutch, ‘should’ being the key word. My Dutch is still very basic and that always becomes a big part of the conversation.
kerryanne – Oh god. I can’t think of anything worse than meeting the family for the first time at a Dutch circle party.
Meta – But it is still very good advice. Cheers.
orangesplaash – Me too.
Anneke – I wish that was true. I’ve been to a good many normal parties as well but they still don’t out number the circle parties I’ve had to go to either.
Gez – I think you are officially Dutch now :p
Alison – Thanks. I try to do what I can :)
A Touch of Dutch – I do what I can to make people spray their monitors with beverages :)
Aledys Ver – you are so right. There are always standard questions they ask. I’m tempted to get the answered printed out on little cards I can hand around.
suus – It would be a great party of grandma got wasted as well :p
Maybe a circle party is meant to be a sort of group therapy ???
Because me and hubby+kids celebrate birthday between May and early Aug. the guests can spread themselves in the backyard and the side of the house as well. NO chairs are arranged in circles, neither inside nor outside!! And yes: my two kids were planned to be born in spring or summer so that the guests can spread themselves during birthday parties, hehehe !
So, how did your own circle party go?
Anita – I like the idea of it being group therapy :)
Looryz – It went well. We had music and at one point two circles so their was mingling between the two. We slightly broke the circle.
I love the Circle Party idea! OK, maybe just the cake part.
Wendi – The cake is the best part :)
I have yet to attend a party like this… now I feel left out!
However, I do take every opportunity to wish someone: “Hartelijk gefeliciteerd met je verjaardag!”
That must count for something.
Just a Plane Ride Away – It means you’ll be ready for the party greetings :)
Oh Stu, I’ve got tears running down my cheeks with laughter. I recognise the feelings of being the tame English speaker so well…also the shock of being actually spoken to when you thought everyone had conveniently forgotten your presence. Brilliant piece of writing. Definitely one for the book!!
Valmann – Thank you :)
hahahahah, great story. I’m a native dutch guy and i reconize this. it’s a bit exagurated (Did i spell that right?) but ooh so funny. Our family birthday parties are not like that luckely because even me, as a native dutchman, would be bored to death. The younger generation doesn’t do these things anymore. We mingle and stand/walk around eating and drinking our bellies full:)
Ooh, and i forgot the (loud) music part… can’t do without it:)
I just told my husband about the Telegraph article and your blog and gave him the link urging him to read a couple of posts while I went into the kitchen to start dinner. I’d forgotten about it and since I could hear him laughing repeatedly came to the “woonkamer” too see what was so funny on TV – to find him actually laughing about you description of the Dutch Circle Party :o)