Dancing the Night Away

Dancing

Whenever I am in a bar or night club having a few drinks with friends I find it impossible to stop myself from tapping my foot in time with the music being played. It doesn’t even matter if the music is terrible. Half the time I don’t even realize I am doing it.

It’s as if a little devil and angel are sitting on either shoulder while they argue with me in the center. The subject of their argument is not my mortal soul however. The debate that rages between them is much more important then that. To dance or not to dance?

Despite my involuntary foot tapping I have always been someone who initially resist the call of the dance floor as if everyone’s attention will be on me as soon as I step a single foot upon it.

However, I always find it impossible to stay on the side lines for long. Slowly the foot tapping turns into a head bob. The head bob turns into a sway. The sway turns into a dance and before I know what has happened I suddenly realize I am out on the dance floor getting jiggy with it as if guided by some unknown mystical force. This might partly explain why I ended up dancing like a maniac last Friday while wearing a large novelty pimp hat. I was later described as a dancing machine but still have no idea of where the hat came from. Hopefully it was not from an actual pimp.

Threw my experience with involuntary dancing I believe I have worked out the mathematical formula that predicts what will make someone dance. I have worked out this highly scientific theory using a percentage system. The closer to a 100% scored during the course of the night the higher the chance that dancing will ensue:

  • If there is no one on the dance floor: -20%
  • If there is a small group on the dance floor: +15%
  • If there is a large group on the dance floor: +25%
  • If there is a really embarrassing drunk person on the dance floor who will over shadow even your worst moves: +15%
  • If the really embarrassing drunk person is alone on the dance floor and you will be in direct competition with them -20%
  • After consuming four beers: +25%
  • Every additional beer after four: +10%
  • After every beer over eight: -12%
  • After 12 beers: You are the really embarrassing drunk person.
  • After 16 beers: Call an ambulance. Find a stomach pump. Reset to 0%
  • Your favorite song (otherwise known as the Catalyst Song) is played: Multiply score by 1.5.
  • The Catalyst Song rule also applies to the following: YMCA, Fame and the head banging part of Bohemian Rhapsody.
  • Stuart

    Stuart is an accident prone Englishman who has been living in the Netherlands since 2001. Even his move to the country was an unintentional accident, the result of replying to a cryptic job advertisement he found one day in a local British magazine. Since then he has learned to love the Dutch (so much so that he married one of them) and now calls the country home. He started the blog Invading Holland in 2006 as a place to share his strange stories of language misunderstandings, cultural confusions and his own accident prone nature.

    26 Responses

    1. ellen says:

      I hope you’re wearing hip pads.

    2. ChickyBabe says:

      Hehe… I like the head banging part of Bohemian Rhapsody! Do we get a cartoon of Stu doing the YMCA? :)

    3. Jean-P says:

      I’m doing the Macarena against my mirror and it just would not cut it. It’s probably the mirror. Might not make it for this Wednesday. Do you know how long these things take? Is there another index? For all the rest included on the drill I got an aweful 20

      Cheers,

      :)

    4. vallyP says:

      I’ve just had the chuckle I’ve been needing all week, thank you Stu! I am currently being weighed down by the might of the great bureaucratic brick wall, following the theft of my bag with all my improtant papers, phone and just about everything that proves I am who I say I am. One thing is settled though. Try as I might, I can do absolutely nothing until I have my new passport, so I may as well sit back and enjoy Invading Holland ;-)

      Loved your last post, Ginger but Dim! Seems you caused quite a stir with your BBB meeting. And this one is also trés amusing. It’s amazing how much Dutch courage seems to be needed to get out there and let loose…maybe that’s the follow up…hmmm…why is it called Dutch courage??
      Nice one Stu and thnx again. Needed that smile!

    5. JaG says:

      Great formula! Doesn’t really apply to me though. I dance no matter what.

    6. BlondebutBright says:

      Yes, also in my experience girls seem to be more prone to dancing. Guys seem to join more in order to leer and girls and possibly grope them a bit, too. Of course IÂ’m not referring to you!

      These observations are mainly made from my Midwest dance club experience, back when I actually knew how to party…

    7. Jean-P says:

      I was actually referring to Macarena vs Catalyst Song. Getting from one to the other without incident at the carpet in both feets and no melt.

      Maybe Thursday?

      Cheers,

      :)

    8. tenakalaz says:

      go, I am organising it. Free stetsons allround!!

      Bring on the Billy Ray Cyrus

    9. zoe says:

      i can’t remember the last time i went out dancing. clubbing isn’t my scene as it’s far too messy – but an 80s club, anybody ?

    10. Alan says:

      There is of course also that moment when the half remembered bit of intro music plays and you are just drunk enough to shout “oh I love this song,” to which someone will ask “what is it,” and you have to admit, “don’t remember, love it though,” and then it turns out to be Pepsie and Shirley and you can never show your face in public again.

    11. marycub says:

      YMCA? Fame? Bohemian Rhapsody? What clubs do *you* go to?? Sounds like my old student union *shiver*

    12. Tina Dealy says:

      Can’t wait to go out to a club,,,,Now that we are in the Netherlands! Yes you read correctly, we are now living in the lovely city of Rotterdam. OK some may not agree with it, but Rotterdam has is strong points. Anyway, i just wanted to thank you for all the the advise with my sons, DS and playstation etc. I was told by a dutch man, that I was way to hot to have children,,,so as you can imagine,,,I LOVE THIS PLACE,,,HAHAHA! Again, Thanks, Tina

    13. Jodie says:

      You forgot two songs on your list Stu, “Dancing Queen” and that one from Dirty Dancing that goes “I’ve had the time of my life” :)
      Always guaranteed to get people on the dancefloor!

      Still, I applaud your willingness to dance. A lot of guys are too scared to get down and boogie no matter how much alcahol they’ve consumed but as a girl I can say it is infinitely better dancing with a bloke than a bunch of girls… especially since girls always seem to take their handbags with them which can lead to embarrasing “dance” moves that you didn’t actually intend to pull off *ouch*

    14. Amanda says:

      Pimp hat indeed. Cowboy-style, leopard-print, with fake US dollar bills stuck in the sides. Yee-ha, cowboy! What was your catalyst song by the way??? I’ll have to remember to request it early next time!

    15. marycub says:

      Any songs that are from Dirty Dancing make me leave the club not get up and dance. Over played pap. Dirty dancing has got to be my all time most hated film. My trigger song when i’m drunk is usually “Can’t Touch This” which is way way classier than any of the aforementioned suggestions :-P

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