Declaring Myself As The New Dutch King

New Dutch King

People of Holland!

Upon this day I, Stuart, would like to officially announce my successful invasion of Holland and the installation of myself as your new leader and ruler.

Do not be afraid. Although this new development might sound quite alarming at first please remain calm and give it a moment to sink in.

The invasion was successfully completed yesterday when I put up some flyers announcing myself as Holland’s new ruler and no one objected.

I promise to be a just and fair ruler, a nurturing and caring leader, the kind you can invite around for tea with your ‘oma’. I promise to keep the changes to your daily life minimal. All I ask is that you refer to me as ‘King Stuart’ if we ever pass each other in the street. I also ask that you be nice to each other and don’t play your music too loudly when travelling on the public transport.

I know that I might not be a true Dutchman. I know that I might not have been born and raised amongst the windmills and tulips. I know that I might only have the Dutch language skills of a five year old but I am a true and proud ginger, a fact which makes me as orange as anyone else from this, soon to be great, country. I also eat stampot once and found it ‘lekker’.

I will be ruling the country from my apartment in Rotterdam where all important decisions about the countries future will be made over a cup of hot coco (with a biscuit). However, I cannot work on Saturday’s because it’s my turn to tidy the apartment and do the shopping so you’ll have to look after yourselves on that day.

If there is anything that you would like to see changed as I lead Holland to a bright and bold new future please send me your ideas and I’ll see what I can do about them. Unless of course it is a complaint about me as your new leader. Then I’ll most likely ignore it.

Groetjes
– King Stuart

New Dutch King Poster

Stuart

Stuart is an accident prone Englishman who has been living in the Netherlands since 2001. Even his move to the country was an unintentional accident, the result of replying to a cryptic job advertisement he found one day in a local British magazine. Since then he has learned to love the Dutch (so much so that he married one of them) and now calls the country home. He started the blog Invading Holland in 2006 as a place to share his strange stories of language misunderstandings, cultural confusions and his own accident prone nature.

33 Responses

  1. Tammy says:

    Oh cool! Are there special perks that come along with being friends with the King? Like… immense riches or stable boys?

  2. Citizen Stu says:

    Tammy – Don’t you already have a stable boy? :p

  3. Sandra says:

    Does this also mean free Speculoospasta for everyone?

  4. osita says:

    King Stuart,

    Can you please pass a law, making it illegal to wave your hand next to your ear and cry ‘Lekkkkerrrr hooooor’ when drinking coffee/eating cake? I leave the choice of punishment to your royal discretion, although I would suggest a solution which makes use of the ample supply of freely available dog faeces ;)

  5. AstridQK says:

    Dear ‘King’ Stuart,

    I unfortunately cannot accept your rule since this country already has a Queen. Kudos on your attempt of fullfilling a deep wish though.

    Just one minor detail, it’s groetjes.

    Yours sincerely,

    Astrid Krul

    Subject of Queen Beatrix

  6. Citizen Stu says:

    Sandra – I’ll have to think about it. I like the stuff too.

    Osita – I’ll have to check that one with my wife since she is Dutch and has been known to do this.

    AstridQK – I understand what you’re saying. Don’t worry. I won’t remove the Dutch royal family. I quite like them too. I’ll just be ruling the country. they can still stay in the palace.

  7. mieke says:

    I hope youre wife will be Princess!

  8. Tammy says:

    I said stable BOYS… plural!! If I’m friends with the King I don’t think a harem is too much to expect! :P

  9. Citizen Stu says:

    Mieke – Hhhmmmm. I had not thought of that. I guess she will be Queen.

    Tammy – Fine. Fine… So demanding :p

    Wezz6400 – Are you having a break down? Do you want me to call someone?

  10. Wezz6400 says:

    How are you King Stuart!!
    All your base are belong to us.
    You are on the way to destruction.
    You have no chance to survive make your time.
    Ha Ha Ha Ha ….

  11. Well, King Stuart, how very kind of you to suggest to your subjects that they should keep calm (and possibly carry on). What shall you and your Queen do to change the daily lives? Make moving trucks narrower so they don’t block Amsterdam’s streets?

  12. Citizen Stu says:

    Barb – That is a very good idea. I’m putting it on the list. Would you like to be the new minster for transport?

  13. Iooryz says:

    Dear King, when will you be touring the country?
    Oh, and can you cancel the langstudeerboete?

    Thanks!

  14. Citizen Stu says:

    Iooryz – I’m not sure what the langstudeerboete is but I’ll ban it if you really want me to. also, I tour the country between Rotterdam and Amsterdam everyday on the way to work every day.

  15. Dragonlady says:

    Does that make me the Queen (sorry) King Mother? I have the hat.

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