Dancing the Night Away

Whenever I am in a bar or night club having a few drinks with friends I find it impossible to stop myself from tapping my foot in time with the music being played. It doesn’t even matter if the music is terrible. Half the time I don’t even realize I am doing it.

It’s as if a little devil and angel are sitting on either shoulder while they argue with me in the center. The subject of their argument is not my mortal soul however. The debate that rages between them is much more important then that. To dance or not to dance?

Despite my involuntary foot tapping I have always been someone who initially resist the call of the dance floor as if everyone’s attention will be on me as soon as I step a single foot upon it.

However, I always find it impossible to stay on the side lines for long. Slowly the foot tapping turns into a head bob. The head bob turns into a sway. The sway turns into a dance and before I know what has happened I suddenly realize I am out on the dance floor getting jiggy with it as if guided by some unknown mystical force. This might partly explain why I ended up dancing like a maniac last Friday while wearing a large novelty pimp hat. I was later described as a dancing machine but still have no idea of where the hat came from. Hopefully it was not from an actual pimp.

Threw my experience with involuntary dancing I believe I have worked out the mathematical formula that predicts what will make someone dance. I have worked out this highly scientific theory using a percentage system. The closer to a 100% scored during the course of the night the higher the chance that dancing will ensue:

If there is no one on the dance floor: -20%

If there is a small group on the dance floor: +15%

If there is a large group on the dance floor: +25%

If there is a really embarrassing drunk person on the dance floor who will over shadow even your worst moves: +15%

If the really embarrassing drunk person is alone on the dance floor and you will be in direct competition with them -20%

After consuming four beers: +25%

Every additional beer after four: +10%

After every beer over eight: -12%

After 12 beers: You are the really embarrassing drunk person.

After 16 beers: Call an ambulance. Find a stomach pump. Reset to 0%

Your favorite song (otherwise known as the Catalyst Song) is played: Multiply score by 1.5.

The Catalyst Song rule also applies to the following: YMCA, Fame and the head banging part of Bohemian Rhapsody.